Category: Hiatus

Posted in Burnout, Covid, Hiatus, Learning Woes

Burnout or When Burning the Candle at Both Ends goes Wrong…

Posted on by Steph
https://www.pexels.com/@eye4Dtail

Burnout: Burnout is a state of emotional, mental, and often physical exhaustion brought on by prolonged or repeated stress.  -Psychology Today

So, like I said in my last post I accomplished a great deal next year, but I think overall  it cost me alot as well.  I was able to pass Cloud+, Pentest+, CYSA+, and Splunk Certified User.  I also completed my Master’s degree.  I Competed in 2 National Cyber League CTFs and lead one of my school’s teams each time.  I also had to deal with the demands at work that kind of intensified with co-workers coming and going. 

By November I really just felt tired.

I basically didn’t want to do anything at least career related and in some ways not even big life stuff.   So, because I know myself well enough I took December 2021-January 2022 off. I still worked, but I wasn’t like actively trying to like improve myself.

I didn’t want a little burnout to end up like:

https://www.pexels.com/@Adonyi-foto

Or Worse:

https://www.pexels.com/@Diego-Sanchez-44059283

I didn’t try to study for any new certs, didn’t try to find any challenging ctfs, didn’t take anymore classes, nothing. I just sailed for a bit instead of striving and trying to compensate for starting later than others or being newer to the field. I stopped telling myself I didn’t belong in the conversation or at the table because I just got here and needed to prove something and I just relaxed.

It’s hard to just relax and it’s super hard to silence the voices in your head telling you that you’re not as good or even the voices outside that say the same, but it’s important that we don’t let them overwhelm you and especially don’t let them talk over the voices of confidence.

Posted in Covid, Hiatus, Informational

The Condensed Version of Why I was MIA

Posted on by Steph

It’s been a while. I kept trying to say that I would be back blogging, but there were so many compounding things.

Covid-19: I wanted to be one of those people who was super productive during Covid not realizing how changes might effect mood. I’m an introvert by nature and it felt like ‘no big deal’….til it was. I ossicilated between being feeling like nothing was changing and I was stuck to making a lot of headway last year. I made all this progress, but felt isolated…it’s not a good headspace to write from.

Changing Jobs: When I first went on radio silence I had just left a position, my first real infosec position and there was a period of like 3 weeks where I technically had a job, but wasn’t working. I did not know how panicky not having a steady income would be (even with savings), but it was….when you’re money is funny you are not in a place to blog.

Contracting is for the Birds: This came later, there was a period where I transitioned from subcontracting to contracting and thay was stressful. There was poor communication and a back and forth on whether I needed to find a new job, so basically I was back to panicking and stressing about what comes next. It worked out, but it also made me realize I didn’t want to stay a contractor for much longer.

2021: I turned a corner in 2021, if anything this was a great year because all I accomplished. I racked up certs, worked and felt in my niche. I mean by the end of 2021 I felt like I had really made a little establishment in my new career. On my team my name was synonymous with great work and I knew it, but I also was burning myself out trying to prove that I belong (burnout is real. Imposter syndrome is real. And I will discuss in a later post). I was moving so much I couldn’t even think about slowing down to commit to blogging.

Now: Here we are.

  • I’ve got an awesome mentor
  • Have been motivated to think about branding (which is exciting)
  • I think about where I want to fit into and give back to the infosec community as a whole
  • I got to do a CTF that made me more secure and what type of infosec path I want to be on (more on this later)

All in all I’m ready to commit to this again, but with caveats. This will only be a weekly blog, the calendar I wanted was too much to busy and hectic. This is manageable and it’s good to set boundaries (even with yourself).

In the coming weeks I will also be changing the look of this blog. Thanks to anyone who still reading this and sorry that I left you in the lurch.